My first foray into the wonderful, exciting world of polyamory was…well, it wasn’t a disaster, but it didn’t end well. Actually, I learned quite a lot about what I was okay with and what I wasn’t. What I could accept and what was a hard limit.
Because of our differences, my partner at the time often suggested that maybe I simply wasn’t poly. After all, if I was unhappy with how he did it, if I had the audacity to disagree with him – someone who’d supposedly been poly his entire life – I must be doing it wrong.
No. He and I were incompatible for all sorts of reasons. Our differing approaches to having multiple romantic relationships was just one of them. Eventually, I would find myself grateful that I had gotten away from him when I did.
But I digress.
Soon after he and I ended, I started three new relationships at the same time. One with a married couple (both of them) and another with a man I’d been friendly with for a while. I learned how to manage time and energy. They each gave me the space to grow and learn about myself. We talked constantly.
You know what the first guy and I didn’t do much of? Talk. Mostly, he thought he could dictate terms and I would follow him. I was new to everything – new to being publically kinky, new to poly, new to power exchanges. And I was supposed to be good at it all immediately.
And just like kink, there’s no one way to do poly. There are no quick answers. You have to figure it out for yourself. You’re going to run into people who think you’re doing it wrong. But also like kink, communication and consent are key.
The rest is up to you.